..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
