I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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