Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
