ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
