is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
