Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You left your underwear on the fireplace
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
