Small penises have feelings too.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
