And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
