Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
