on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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