i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
