I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
