every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
