he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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