1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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