Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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