I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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