i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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