I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
