K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
