is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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