Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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