Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
