you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
