It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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