I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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