i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
