who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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