..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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