Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.