I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?