I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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