You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
