How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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