In the future we'll all be gay
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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