Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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