I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
