New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.