a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.