I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.