I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The best revenge is premature balding
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.