Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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