I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
