I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When are your genitals available?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
