just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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