Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
