You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
