swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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