Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
