So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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