how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
