I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
