either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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