My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drake has all the answers
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
where are my eyebrows?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize