I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
