Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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