FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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