why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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