dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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