hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
