Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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