i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
