Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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