Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
