I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
