He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
