Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
